5 Random Pointless Thoughts

Call it Spring Fever.  Call it a lack of focus.  Call it what you will.  Here are, count them, 5 Random Pointless Thoughts to mildly entertain you.  And, I seriously hope you’re reading this list when you should be doing something more productive.  I’m all about being a total and complete distraction - You’re welcome.

#1  So, I hear they’re making a movie off the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting.  I think it’s interesting that it’s going to be a comedy because when I read it, it seemed to have more potential to become a script for a horror film.  I  believe (and please don't fact check this) that there were extra words that had to be cut from the original the title.   I know I heard about this from somewhere.  Something like:  What to Expect When You’re Expecting Everything That Possibly Could Go Wrong With Your Pregnancy And Your Baby That You Didn’t Know About But Now Do Thanks to Reading This Book Which Is Causing You To Sit Up At Night Wracked With Anxiety. 

#2  I recently read a statistic in Prevention Magazine that said if you buy new exercise attire, you’ll be 16% more likely to work out.  Hmm.  What about the other 84% of the time?  That’s when you put on the new yoga pants and matching top and pretend you’re going to workout.  I like to drop the kids off at Pre-K looking all “exercise-y” when in reality, the illusion of getting in shape is all the effort I’ll be doing.  I feel better about myself just by wearing the clothes.  Why sweat them up?

#3  I hate those ads for pharmaceutical drugs for everything from depression to weight loss.  Once, I was so sure I had Fibromyalgia.  I really believed it.  The woman in the commercial was so convincing.  She was in pain but was still trying to paint.  I don’t paint so I don’t know why I was so into it.  Anyway, I ran to my computer and looked up the symptoms and, here’s the good news: I don’t have Fibromyalgia.  Thinking that it’s a fun word to say is not one of the symptoms.  Neither is "hang over", but that’s a story for another time. 

#4  And, while on the subject of clothing and infomercials, all I want for Mother’s Day is Pajama Jeans.  I want to sleep in them all night while saving valuable time and effort by waking up already dressed for the day.  This is what I hear the ad saying to me, “Sleeping in your clothes all night can be so uncomfortable even if it saves you valuable time in the morning.  And, going to Wal-Mart in your flannel pajama bottoms should be banned by law.  But, now, here’s a solution!  Pajama Jeans!  All the comfort to get a good night’s rest plus all the convenience of skipping getting dressed in the morning!   And, best of all, you leave the house looking fashionable and sexy!”  I so want them! 

#5  When it comes to winning anything from contests to scratch off tickets to sweepstakes to slot machines, I have absolutely no luck.  It’s so bad that even the thought of gambling makes me all nervous and jittery.  I can’t think straight knowing I’m going to lose no matter what.  The last time I was in a casino, I placed a bet on red and was handed a glass of wine.  I thought, wow, I’m already getting complimentary service.  My luck is about to change … until I looked up and realized I was standing at the bar.  (Here’s where I need that end-of-a-joke-drum-sound.  And, here’s where this list must end before it gets any worse than this last one!)