Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Boy, a Girl and a Squirrel: A love story

Before the boy ever met the girl, he befriended (in a manner of speaking) the squirrel.  It was on a fated hunting trip while trekking through the wilds of Pennsylvania that the boy and his redneck relatives came upon a most unusual sight.

Redneck Relative #1:  “Stop the truck!  I done seen a most unusual sight.”
Redneck Relative #2:  “Dress me up and call me Lucille Ball.  That there is a black squirrel.”
Redneck Relative #1: “Lucille Ball?”
Redneck Relative #2:  “Hell, yeah. I ain’t never seen a squirrel that color before.”
Redneck Relative #1:  “You reckon it might be one o’ them in danger creatures?”
Redneck Relative #2:  “Yeah, it darn well could.”
Redneck Relative #1:  “Well, then, you know what we got to do.”

Many years passed and the boy met the girl.  In fact, he fell so much in love with the girl that he asked for her hand in marriage.  When the girl spoke her vows on her wedding day, she knew she was gaining the boy as her husband.  She didn’t know that he came along with a certain black squirrel.  The girl discovered this fact on the day they moved into their first home.

Girl:  “I just saw the most unusual sight hanging in our bedroom.”
Boy:  “Do you like it?”
Girl:  “Do I like a stuffed and mounted rodent hanging above the bed?  Let me think about it.”
Boy:  “It’s not a rodent.  It’s a black squirrel.  The only one of its kind.”
Girl:  “So you shot it?”
Boy:  “I wanted to preserve it for all time.”
Girl:  “Oh, of course.  That makes total sense.  So, how about we donate it to the nature preserve?”
Boy:  “How about I make a deal with you?”
Girl:  “Like what?”
Boy:  “Like I could move him to the mudroom …and buy you flowers every Valentine’s Day … and chocolate … and wine  …and dinner?  And, what else?  … Help me out here.”
Girl:  “And if you ever cheat on me, I will personally release that squirrel back to his natural habitat!”

Ten Valentines later, the boy, the girl and the squirrel continue to cohabitate happily ever after. 

(The names of the actual boy and girl in addition to the exaggerated redneck speak were intentionally withheld and altered in the event PETA happens to discover this post.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments Welcome and Encouraged! I would love to hear your thoughts, reactions or just say, "hi".