Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Killer Cardio

How “killer” could it be? I wondered of the 16 minute Free-On-Demand exercise video entitled Killer Cardio. I mean, I could see if it was a full hour video, then, yeah, “killer”.  But 16 minutes minus the part where the instructor talks and minus the warm-ups – easy peasy.  I got this. And then, I can check: “make-up for eating an entire cupcake in batter form” off my to-do list.  (I don’t want to get into how it happened that I ate the equivalent of a cupcake’s worth of batter – let’s just leave at: it had something to do with being hormonal and mildly stressed.)

Speaking of lists, I’m compiling a list called “I wish they’d invent”.  I would attempt to invent these things myself but I’m too busy renting 16 minute exercise videos.  Here’s my first entry: “I wish they’d invent exercise videos that you can lose weight and get fit simply by laying there and watching it.”  Really, someone please invent this.

(Not actual instructor-chick)
So, I hit rent and the I didn’t eat a cupcake in batter form over the weekend or ever in her life instructor appeared and began explaining her video.  Blah, blah, blah – something about hitting pause if I need to at any time during the workout session – blah, blah, blah.

“Let’s warm-up”.  I’m marching in place thinking I can keep up with this chick.  Sure, she’s in killer shape but I bet – or at least, I hope – she didn’t give birth to three kids like yours truly here.  (My claim to fame is that I survived carrying twins and I didn’t complain once – Flashback: “I’m dying.  I can’t walk.  I can’t believe the ultrasound didn’t show the entertainment system that these twins have hooked up to the umbilical cord!”)

“Now, remember, you can hit pause at any time,” the instructor chick reminds me.  Okay, okay already, there’s like ten minutes left – how killer can it be? 

“Let’s begin with squats for 30 seconds” – oh please … killer, yeah right.  Okay, my thighs are burning  – but that’s good.  Bye, bye batter-cupcake: I’m burning you off.

“Squat jumps for 30 seconds.”  Bring it on!  Here we go. 

“For the next nine minutes you’re going to collapse on the floor and watch me finish the workout.” 

So, the instructor chick didn’t actually say that.  I’m not sure what she said from that point forward.  But, while staring at the ceiling flat on my back, I did come up with my first entry for “I’d wish they’d invent” and that’s something, right?

FYI- You don't have to rent a Killer Cardio video, there's plenty of excercise "recipes"  of the killer kind on Pinterest.  Will reading them make you skinny?  Someone invent that!


  1. One minute huh? Good job! Add alcohol that makes you lose weight ---> more drunk = more weight loss!

    1. You should be a personal trainer! And if you become one, I'll meet you at The Salty Dog for our first workout ;-)

  2. I'm pretty sure in the workout world you get credit for at least getting off your butt and trying. Isn't that the motto--if at first you don't succeed, try try again or was it die, die again. Whatever the case, you're still a goddess jump squats or not.

    1. In this case, yes, it was die, die again - HA! Thanks for deeming me a goddess - takes one to know one :)


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