Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Part 2: Possibly Spiked Coffee, Birdseed & "What the hell is that?"

Why Part 2?  
Because I have a brand new, "What the hell is that?"
Here's a sneak preview:

As a recap, there's possibly, allegedly spiked coffee...

 Birdseed and little birds ...

Bigger birds (formerly the "What the hell is that?") ...

And, now a very BIG BIRD ...

Oops!  Wait, how did that get there? 
I'll try again...

Here's the new, "What the hell is that?"

This, my friends, is an Emu!

The second largest bird in the world and native to Australia, not here in North America.  Interestingly, it so happens to be my neighbor's pet that has been on the run for two weeks.  This said neighbor lives down a long driveway and I actually don't know them very well ... obviously.

So, now I'm wondering, "What will I see out my window next?"

If you like your coffee/tea spiked, then grab a mug and download a copy of Going Barefoot in Greener Grass, a novel by yours truly. 
(that's me, Audry Fryer ... no "e" in my first name)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Murphy’s Law as applied to Meteorites

 I've been having Chicken Little moments of anxiety ever since that giant ball of fire containing a meteorite crashed into the frozen landscape of Russia, shattering windows, busting vodka bottles and unfortunately injuring many people within a broad area.  Look at what it did to this guy:
(For all you movie fans, yes, this is Ivan Drago from Rocky IV)
As Alfred E. Neuman's famous quote goes, "What me, worry?"  Yes!  I was always a “worrier” and now since having children, I’m a certified card carrying “WORRIER”.  Then, I started thinking about the probability of a meteorite (like the one that did the dinosaurs in, supposedly) actually hitting here.  And, I’ve concluded to ease my anxiety that there must exist a direct link between Murphy’s Law and meteorites.  So, I made a brief list of what it would take for a meteorite to strike with such exact precision.  Be warned, there was absolutely no form of science whatsoever taken into consideration in the making of this list.  (And, I will admit to ripping off Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck” and switching it to “You might be hit by a meteorite.” But, hey, my version rhymes.)

If you step on the scale and declare you’ve now gone under your target weight, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you declare out loud that you’re having the best (fill in the blank here – I’m going with “hair day” but you add whatever thrills you) of your life, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If your children tell you they’ve cleaned up their room without you asking them to do it, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you’re in charge of the pumpkins for Pumkin Chunkin in Delaware and you’ve piled the pumpkins to chunk into one big mound on the day before the event, that pile might be hit by a meteorite.

If you just invented the cure for the common cold, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If your children actually eat and ask for seconds the very healthy meal you've prepared from scratch, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you have the only ticket that matches all the numbers plus the Powerball when the lottery is peaking in the mind bogglingly high millions of dollars, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you have succeeded in beating the Guinness World Record for the tallest house of cards, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you’ve found a way to create and maintain world peace, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you’ve been doing home improvements and finally after years and years declare that your house is perfect, you might be hit by a meteorite.

If you just crossed off the last item on your “bucket list,” you might be hit by a meteorite. (Unless, being hit by a meteorite happens to be on your bucket list, then you’re safe.)

And, finally, the day I say, “done,” on novel #2, I myself might be hit by a meteorite.

If you have one to add?  I’d love to hear it!  
If I made you laugh, love to hear that, too!
 I promise you will not be hit by a meteorite if you check out my first novel, 
Going Barefoot in Greener Grass:
Ah, barefoot, green grass, drama between friends and thoughts of summer!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Sending Love to my Readers!

Hopefully Vaelentine’s Day and everyday is finding you well loved.  On this day of love, I would like to share my love and appreciation to all my readers!

Today is my 100th post!  I can’t believe it! 

And this month, has marked the TWO YEAR anniversary of All Things Audry!


And finally, All Things Audry has surpassed 10,000 page views!

Thank you for every “like”, “share”, retweet” and most meaningfully, words of encouragement.


P.S.  – If you’d follow me on twitter, I’d love it! "@AudryFryer"

Secrets, Lies and Apple Pies (a.k.a. Novel #2) update: Writing the ending - so exciting!  What a perfect day to write a "love" scene (as in, I love you - mind out of the gutter, people- although there are some spicy love scenes earlier in the story.)  Anyway, I'm feeling inspired by the Jon Cusak scene in Say Anything, but I doubt I'll be writing about a boom box!

Love it if you'd check out my first novel, Going Barefoot in Greener Grass:
Ah, barefoot, green grass and thoughts of summer!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Ski? Snowboard? No, Dude. We Tube!

Snow Tubing.  It’s not exactly an extreme sport.  Well, not unless you’re watching your children plummet down a hill the length of a football field going much faster than you would consider safe after you yourself have zoomed down the same hill moments earlier screaming for your life.  But, I’m getting ahead of myself here.

Gotta live.  A scratch-off ticket win from back around the holidays plus a New Year’s Resolution/Motto of “Living for today” had created the perfect set-up.  No playing it safe and boring by putting my small winnings into the bank to help pay a bill.  No way.  “We’re going snow tubing!” I had declared.  Then, I checked the height requirements, measured my daughter (the smallest of our family) and determined, “We’re golden,” when she surpassed it by half an inch.

Groundhog’s Day.  Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring and we took it as a good omen that this should be our day to hit the slopes.  The morning dawned sunny, the wind had died down and we were in full denial of the temperature hovering below the freezing mark.  Off we went, to the fabulous winter resort of Bear Creek, PA which I must say having never been to Aspen or Vail, it’s … uh … very similar.  (I like to mess with my husband every now and then, so I said, “Oh, this reminds me of Colorado.”  He said something like, “When were you there?”  The real answer is never, but I told him, “Oh, that must have been with that other guy before you.” I like to keep him guessing.)

Gearing Up.  We arrived and parked the “swagger wagon” (a.k.a. 2006 Saturn Relay) in the next available spot beside a shiny, new Cadillac Escalade Luxury SUV.  I opened the side door to yelps of “Close it! It’s cold!”  The mother beside us smiled at me nicely as she assisted her children into their color coordinated ski gear as she herself wore outerwear that flattered her petite figure.  We, on the other hand, tumbled out of the van where I pulled Wal-Mart brand snow pants onto my children before struggling into my own snow gear that added easily six to ten inches to the size of my thighs.  Of course, no one at the slopes had a look that rivaled my husband’s.  You must understand that he’s a rugged outdoorsy type; hunter, fisherman, chop-down-a-tree sort of guy.  So, he wore what he usually wears in extreme cold temperatures: his khaki well-worn Carhartt overalls complete with a fleece-lined ear-flap hat.  “Alrighty then,” I said seriously reconsidering my decision to go out in public in mismatched, over-sized outerwear.  “Let do this.”

Totally Tubular.   Okay, so there’s this commercial where the lady is buying rock climbing shoes and ropes and airplane tickets.  And then, at the end, she’s standing fearlessly on this little, tiny rock way, way up high.  Yeah, that was totally how I looked after the conveyor belt rode us and our “tubes” halfway up the “mountain”.  I was standing in a triumphant pose when the girl working the slopes interrupted my revelry by dully saying, “Go.”  My husband and I had planned for me to go first in order to retrieve our children at the bottom while he would go last after helping each of them to disembark.  “Go,” the girl repeated to me.  “Okay, okay,” I said.  “It’s not like I’m scared or anything." I pushed off bravely, promptly spun backwards, gained the equivalent of warp speed and screamed my way to the bottom which is where I completed my panic attack with the realization that my children were about to hurtle down the hill next.  Naturally, all three of them were delighted by the ride, unfazed and ready to do it again. 

The Lodge  I do enjoy the ski resort experience, but I’d much rather spend my day inside watching the slopes as I walk around with a hot drink (preferably spiked) while brandishing the lift tag on my jacket like a badge of honor.  You know, acting like I’m so going back out there, just taking a break from going so X-Games on the slopes, yep.  Needless to say, we lasted an astounding hour and a half and completed about five or six runs before my youngest son demanded we call it quits.  He was nearly frozen solid just like Audrey in National Lampoons’ Christmas Vacation, (you know, the part when they’re getting their tree), so we decided to go inside, find a fireplace and have lunch.  After shedding or more like, ditching, our snow gear back at the van, I must say we looked quite phenomenal as we sashayed through the lodge area with our Tubing Lift tickets hanging off our unzipped jackets revealing classic Nordic themed sweaters.  Oh yeah.  

Good Times   “So how did everyone like snow tubing?” I enthusiastically asked my children as we dug into lunch.  I added for good measure, “Mommy could have spent her winnings on a new pair of boots or skinny jeans or a Mani/Pedi, but no, I didn’t.  I decided to share it with all of you.  So, tell me, how did you like it?”  I was holding out my arms ready for the avalanche of love and appreciation.  Here’s what I got:  “Okay, I guess.  A little better than sledding in the backyard.” and  “Why couldn't we go snowboarding?  That looked so much funner.” and  “It was cold.  My hands and my fingers and my eyes and my nose and my lips and my chin and and my hair and my ears are still frozen.”   Yep, memories were made that day for sure.  Gotta live for today.  Good times.

If you happened to be, at the very least, mildly amused by this post, then “Tube” (rather than surf- ha, ha!) over to Amazon or Barnes & Noble and check out my first novel, Going Barefoot in Greener Grass.  (And don’t forget, Novel #2: Secrets, Lies and Apple Pies is due to be released this coming September.)