I'm happy to host Nina Guilbeau, author of God Doesn't Love Us All the Same.
Today, Nina shares with us her ideas about birth order theory. As the oldest sibling of three, I can identify with some of this theory. Although, it certainly doesn't tell the entire picture of who I am or my younger brothers. So, where are you in the birth order of your family? Do you identify with this theory or not?
The Real Birth Order Theory
by Nina Guilbeau
Alfred Adler’s birth order theory is
absolutely fascinating. So fascinating that while this theory wasn’t the
biggest focus for Adler in his work, it is the one part of his work for which
he is generally recognized. Unfortunately,
this widespread popular theory is also a very misunderstood.
Usually, when the birth order theory is
discussed the spotlight is on the type of personalities created because of the
order of birth (although there are many exceptions). It’s easy to focus on this part of the theory
when first, second, middle, only and last born children in different families
often have the same characteristics. However, what are usually left out of the
birth number to personality trait ratio are the importance of the child’s
environmental influences and their innate interpretation of their birth order.
Adler’s belief is that a child’s personality due to his or her birth order depends
largely on the child’s internal processing (acceptance/rebellion of
expectations) and the external family social environment (household), not
simply the sequence of their birth.
For instance, personality traits of
responsible, authoritarian (bossy) and over achiever generally describe
firstborns in theory and are often proven to be the reality. Why? Because the
environmental factors that Adler refers to are the same across households. When
an only child is dethroned as the baby, they are subsequently crowned oldest
sibling who has duties. Parents celebrate the importance of their firstborn’s
new role as big brother or sister by praising how well they help take care of
the new baby. This tactic is usually meant to combat feelings of jealousy or
displacements from the arrival of the new baby, yet the responsibility of the role
never goes away. In fact, it usually increases over time and even follows them
into adulthood. Oldest siblings become surrogate parents, as well as babysitters,
cooks, protectors, role models and teachers. It’s easy to understand how the predictable
behavior of parents with firstborns produces predictable personality traits in
children in different households.
So the question for those with sibling
experience is this: Are parents parenting to the birth order, molding general
personalities, as much or more than they parent the individual child? In other
word, would the youngest siblings, who are often accused of being spoiled and
“getting off easy,” be the responsible, overachiever if they were treated as
firstborns?
When writing God Doesn’t Love Us All the Same, I thought about the personality
type of my main characters. Vera, the old homeless woman, was an only child,
but circumstances made her one Adler’s birth order exceptions. Janine, the
other main character, was one of three children exhibiting characteristics from
one of these classic birth order categories:
Only child – This child is
always the center of attention and since they are never "dethroned," they
can be self-centered. They miss out on the social skills learned by sibling
interaction, so they may find it difficult to share or compromise. A great
positive trait is that they can be very mature intellectually.
First Born – They are
often given responsibility for younger siblings and may take on the role of a
surrogate parent. Firstborns may become overachievers in order to set the
example for younger siblings and meet the expectations of parents. They are
also known to be authoritarian (or bossy). A great positive trait is that they
can be very responsible and possess leadership qualities.
Second Born – Independent
and competitive, especially with the oldest sibling. Sibling rivalry may be
initiated by second born children as they struggle to identify their role in
the family. They can be seen as rebels at times. A great positive trait is that
they can be very expressive and creative.
Middle Child – Independent,
but unlike second born children, they can be more congenial. They do not have
the spotlight, but often do not seek it (what’s the use?). The middle child
syndrome can develop, especially in larger families. A great positive trait is
that they can adapt and acquire very good social skills.
Last Born – Frequently
spoiled by the entire family. Never “dethroned” and may be accustomed to always
getting their way. They may be seen as irresponsible and a rule breaker. A
great positive trait is that they can be very charming and adventurous.
God Doesn’t Love Us All the Same is the touching story about Janine Harris who never really thought about homeless people. She barely even notices them as she passes them by on her way to work in downtown Washington D.C. All Janine can focus on is the shambles of her own young life, afraid that she will never be able to get past the painful mistakes she has made. However, all of that changes on a snowy evening in December when Janine unexpectedly finds herself alone with Vera, an old, homeless woman who seems to need her help. Now Janie wants to know what could have possibly happened to Vera to leave her so broken and alone.
As Vera shares her life story with Janine, the two women form an unusual bond and begin a journey that changes both of their lives forever. Reluctantly, they each confront their own past and, in the process, discover the true meaning of sacrifice, family and love. Although to truly move forward in their lives, they must fast the most difficult challenge of all – forgiving themselves.
As Vera shares her life story with Janine, the two women form an unusual bond and begin a journey that changes both of their lives forever. Reluctantly, they each confront their own past and, in the process, discover the true meaning of sacrifice, family and love. Although to truly move forward in their lives, they must fast the most difficult challenge of all – forgiving themselves.
Paperback: 254Pages
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Publisher: Juania Books LLC (May 5, 2014)
ASIN: B00K5IMJOW
Twitter hashtag: #GDLoveGuilbeau
Publisher: Juania Books LLC (May 5, 2014)
ASIN: B00K5IMJOW
Twitter hashtag: #GDLoveGuilbeau
About the Author: Nina Guilbeau is the Siblings Editor for BellaOnline The Voice of Women and writes weekly family articles for online magazines. Her e-book, Birth Order and Parenting, is a popular pick with students studying the Alfred Adler birth order theory.
She is a member of the Florida Writer's Association and the author of women's fiction novels Too Many Sisters and Too Many Secrets. A winner of the Royal Palm Literary Award for her God Doesn't Love Us All the Same manuscript, Nina's work has been published in the short story anthologies From Our Family to Yours and Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Magic of Mothers and Daughters. An excerpt from upcoming novel Being Non-Famous was published in the Orlando Sentinel as a Father's Day tribute.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/
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Blog hostess, Audry Fryer is the author of women's fiction novels:
Hungry for a page-turner?
SECRETS, LIES AND APPLE PIES
A must-read for October
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"A novel of delicious deceptions!"
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